November 23nd, 2008

Over 200 high-potential leaders were asked, “If you stay in this company, why are you going to stay?” The three top answers were:

1. “I am finding meaning and happiness now. The work is exciting and I love what I am doing.”
2. “I like the people. They are my friends. This feels like a team, like a family.”
3. “I can follow my dreams. This organization is giving me a chance to do what I really want to do in life.”

November 16th, 2008

In his book How Successful People Become Even More Successful: What Got You Here Won’t Get You There Marshall Goldman details twenty habits that can hold you back from climbing the corporate ladder. See if any look familiar.

1. Winning too much or being overcompetitive
2. Adding too much value or looking smart instead of allowing others to look smart
3. Passing judgment when we have asked people for their opinions
4. Making destructive comments
5. Starting with “No,” “But,” or “However”
6. Telling the world how smart we are
7. Speaking when angry
8. Negativity, or “Let me explain why that won’t work”
9. Withholding information
10. Failing to give proper recognition
11. Claiming credit that we don’t deserve
12. Making excuses
13. Clinging to the past
14. Playing favorites
15. Refusing to express regret
16. Not listening
17. Failing to express gratitude
18. Punishing the messenger
19. Passing the buck
20. An excessive need to be “me,” or “Hey, that’s me. Deal with it.”

November 9th, 2008

One of the most valuable lessons I learned when running a public relations agency was how to become what my friend Dr. Chris Riordan of Texas Christian University calls a “thick-skinned leader.”

Resiliency is a critical skill for today’s new leaders, and CEOs are lacking in it. According to a survey conducted by PsyMax Solutions, a human capital assessment firm, of 2,000 employees, middle managers’ tough-minded score was the highest of all groups. CEOs and company presidents ranked lowest, followed by executives, professional, technical, and administrative employees.

“The study suggests that middle managers have the greatest ability to accept criticism,” said PsyMax Solutions CEO Dr. Wayne Nemeroff. “Perhaps because of the nature of the middle management role they continuously get feedback from all directions, from below and sideways. Those at the center of the organizational structure demonstrate strength in being able to manage stress and to keep resilient in the face of frustration, disappointment, and criticism.”

When resiliency is not developed, problems arise, says Nemeroff. Stress and frustration show, people become defensive in response to criticism, and some have difficulty rebounding from setbacks.

November 2nd, 2008

Speakernetnews.com, a free, weekly eNewsletter for professional speakers and trainers, recently asked its readers what tricks, techniques, products, or secrets they use to preserve their voices on long speaking days. Here are some of the answers:

Always warm up your voice before speaking. Simple warm-up exercises include yawning (lifts the palate), grinning, and humming. I know one speaker who sings with the radio on the way to speaking engagements.

Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. Drink lots of water, but avoid cold drinks as they constrict the vocal cords.

Also avoid salty and cheesy foods, which are drying, and sugary mints.

Most agreed, however, that if we use our voice properly, no tricks are needed. When you care for your physical voice, it easily performs.

October 26th, 2008

The work-life challenge may have been around for decades, but for most people it’s even tougher today. “Work has gotten so much more hectic,” said Ellen Galinsky, president and cofounder of the Families and Work Institute in New York, www.familiesandwork.org. “The boundaries between when you’re working and you’re not are more blurred.”

Galinsky stresses the importance of prioritizing. Use the “five-year test,” she counsels. Ask yourself: “In five years, will I look back and say, ‘I wish I’d gone to that school play or that business meeting?’” Also, clearly separate work and home. “Find a spot on the road on your way home to try to switch channels, so that when you get home, you can be there,” she advises.

October 19th, 2008

Great hosts and hostesses do it, and we should do it, too. When introducing someone, pad your introduction with a fact about the person you are introducing. For example: “Betty, I would like you to meet Bob. Bob is the executive director of Children’s First. And Betty is a teacher at Sanford High School.” Betty can now ask Bob about his organization, and Bob can ask Betty about teaching.

October 12th, 2008

In his wonderful book A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose, author Eckhart Tolle shares a beautiful insight: “Whatever you think the world is withholding from you, you are withholding from the world.”

When you think people are withholding praise, appreciation, assistance, love, or whatever – give it to them. If you feel you don’t have it, act as if you do and it will come, Tolle writes.

October 5th, 2008

Business writer Marshall Goldsmith reminds us that as corporations’ expectations for their professionals increase, so have the expectations professionals have of their corporations.

Specifically, professionals want their corporate leaders to:

1. Encourage their passion.
2. Enhance their ability.
3. Value their time.
4. Build their network.
5. Support their dreams.
6. Expand their contribution.

September 28th, 2008

I’ve been spending a lot of time in the car traveling recently. Books on tape and CD make the time go by faster. Yesterday, while returning from visiting my brother in Clayton, Georgia, I listened to a favorite, Anthony Robbins’ Power Talk.

Robbins reminds us that no other factor can determine our success more than how we define ourselves. Change your identity, and you’ll change your behaviors and your life, he says.

I have found that three strategies help me manage my self-image:

Strategy One: Guard against self-limiting talk. When my inner critic rears its ugly head, telling me that I am not good enough, I tell him to be quiet. Just yesterday, I said something unkind to a dear friend. It would be easy for me for beat myself up for it today and tell myself that I am a bad person. Instead, I am acknowledging that I made a mistake. I will apologize to the friend and not let one incident define me.

Strategy Two: Define yourself, rather than allowing others to define you. Without being aware of it, most of us allow others to define us. When I ran a public relations agency, I wanted to be known for three things: being creative, marketing-driven, and somewhat upscale. Everything I did from the car I drove to the organizations I joined reflected this positioning, and it worked. Year after year, my peers voted me one of Atlanta’s top marketing-driven PR people and “big idea people” in a poll published by the Atlanta Business Chronicle. And when I left my agency, the CEO sent out an agency-wide memorandum saying he hated to lose me, and, “He is one classy guy.”

Strategy Three: Be careful what you buy into. I went to a private grade school in Atlanta in the 1960s; I hated it. One of the reasons I disliked it so was they had three classes for each grade. One class was for the smart students, the other for the average ones, and the third one was designated for the “dumb kids.” I was in the dumb kids’ class. It would have been easy for me to see myself as stupid, but I did not buy into their insane labels. I knew I possessed “street smarts” that would ensure my success.

September 21st, 2008

As a leadership communications trainer and coach, one of my primary tasks is to help businesspeople connect with their passion. My clients find these six questions particularly helpful:

1. What do you love most about your work? What percentage of your time is actually spent doing those things?
2. How much do you believe in the work you are doing? Has that increased, decreased, or stayed the same over the past five years?
3. Is there anything you’d rather be doing? If so, what is it?
4. To what degree is your work compatible with the other parts of your life? Do you have balance in your life?
5. What new ideas, information, technologies, or possibilities attract you now? Which ones would you like to integrate into your work life?
6. What new things would you enjoy learning?

September 14th, 2008

While we may not be aware of it, most of us have a saboteur lurking within us. Change management expert Morrie Shechtman says there are six ways the saboteur shows up in leaders.

Acting on scarcity rather than plenty. When we operate from fear, we may miss valuable opportunities.

Avoiding and discouraging conflict. Conflict is necessary for growth.

Refusing to get involved in employees’ personal lives. Employees bring work home and they bring their home issues to work. Leaders who ignore how their workers’ home lives are affecting their work aren’t getting the whole picture.

Intervening too early in people’s struggles. Great leaders allow people to make mistakes and mine their own resources.

Being charismatic. If employees are mesmerized by the leader, they become followers rather than future leaders. Instead, the culture should be charismatic.

Being moody. In the unpredictable post-9/11 world, people want to know what they can expect from their leaders.

September 7th, 2008

I have found that the best strategy for dealing with my inner critic is awareness. When I identify the types of situations in which my inner critic thrives, I can be on special alert when they occur. When my inner critic kicks into high gear, I can become “observer-participants(unclear…what is observer-participants?),” laugh, and say, “Oops, there he goes again.” By doing so, I take away my inner critic’s power.

I also try to cut myself some slack. Sometimes I am just tired, inattentive, or simply out of kilter. I am too quick to discount the good stuff and focus on the bad. When something goes wrong and my inner critic starts to squawk, I try to stop concentrating on the negative areas and focus on the positive ones. I also find it helpful to focus on the big picture instead of that one detail that has gone awry. I am human, and I know I will make occasional mistakes.

Another strategy is to catalog our inner critics’ criticisms and determine their historical sources. Were they based on something that our dad, mother, siblings, teachers, or peers once said? Once we know the source, we can begin to uncover the truth and change our thinking

Finally, I find it helpful to take a reality check. For example, when my inner critic tells me that I did a lousy job, I check in with a trusted friend. Almost always, I find the job I did was fine.

August 31, 2008

Being brief is a challenge for many of us. Author Ron Hoff shows us how to get our point across clearly and succinctly in his little book Say It in Six: How to Say Exactly What You Mean in Six Minutes or Less.

1. “Let’s get right to the point. Here’s what we need to discuss….” (30 seconds)
2. “Here’s a quick overview of the situation….” (60 seconds)
3. “This lead to an idea….” (120 seconds) Make the idea tangible by holding up something that they can touch – a model, storyboard, color proposal, or something!
4. “This idea will more than pay for itself. Here’s the payoff….” (120 seconds)
5. ”Here’s what we need from you to get going….” (30 seconds) Tell your audience it’s their decision to make, and you want to hear what they think about your idea.

August 23, 2008

I worked with a newly-appointed college president who had come under fire from the media after faculty and students protested the laying off of several long-term employees. In just a few months in office, he had made several important changes to strengthen the institution but had neglected to do the most important thing a leader must do: build faith.

"Faith can overcome any obstacle, achieve any goal," says Annette Simmons, author of The Story Factor: Inspiration, Influence, and Persuasion through Storytelling. "Money, power, authority, political advantage, and brute force have all, at one time or another, been overcome by faith."

Story is the path to creating faith, writes Simmons. Story allows people to draw their own conclusions; once people make your story their story, you have stimulated faith. You can win them to your side; you can inspire them to action.

Recent research by Joanne Martin and her team at Stanford Business School showed that illustrative stories told within an organization encourage more commitment, generate more belief, and are more often remembered than statistical data that proves the same point in a factual way.

Simmons lists the different types of stories that visionary leaders use. Among these are:

1. Who Am I Stories
2. Why I Am Here Stories
3. My Vision (or Where We Are Going) Stories
4. Teaching Stories
5. My Values in Action Stories

For some especially those of us who are "thinker" and high-action "doers" storytelling is more difficult. My client, the college president, is one of these people. He is a thinker. Together we inventoried stories for each of the five types listed above. He now has a series of stories that he is comfortable delivering and can apply to almost every situation.

Stories are him to become a more effective visionary leader, and storytelling can do the same for you.

August 17, 2008

One of my favorite futurists, Faith Popcorn, predicted a trend in 2003 she called "Persona Propaganda" She said "Google has created the concept of the 'Public Resume'-a new kind of pervasive, email-able DigiTruth. Now, everybody can know everything about almost anyone." According to a Harris Interactive Poll, 23 percent of professionals admit to Googling people before meeting them. And a survey by Recruiters World revealed that nearly two-thirds of respondents use Google to research candidates.

We are using the Web to learn about potential job candidates, customers, consultants, and business partners, and they are using the Web to learn about you. When was the last time you Googled yourself? Go to Google, type your name into the window in quotes. What did you find? If you are like most of us, you didn't' find much. Personal branding guru William Arruda (http://www.reachcc.com) says, "Building an on-line identity is as easy as it is essential. It starts with just one post, one article, or a one-page Web site."

Here are six of his suggestions on how to get started:

1. Write articles for on-line portals that relate to your area of expertise or your passions. HR.com, MarketingProfs.com, selfgrowth.com are three of thousands of options.
2. Submit content to article banks. They will make your articles (along with proper attribution) available to others who are seeking content for their newsletters or Web sites.
3. Build your own Web site or career portfolio. Yahoo is offering small business owners free, customizable, three-page Web sites. Companies like Brandego will build you a custom career portfolio. Remember, one quality page is going to do a lot more for your brand than ten poorly executed ones.
4. Create a blog. Blogging gives you an opportunity to express your opinions and will not take up much of your time since posting can be just two or three lines long. But get in now; according to Seth Godin, there is a new blog every six seconds.
5. Participate in on-line forums and information exchanges. Share your expertise or passion and increase your visibility at the same time.
6. Review books at amazon.com and other on-line bookstores and link back to your Web site or blog.

Tip: Another great Web source for researching someone -- or tracking your online presence -- is http://www.zoominfo.com.

August 10, 2008

It used to be that employees listed money as their primary motivator; later, it became money and benefits. Today, employees are seeking more control of their time. They are looking to improve their life balance.

At midlife, we begin to believe we are mortal; we begin to consider living and dying. We ask ourselves:

• What is really important?
• Have I made the most of my potential?

We review relationships, our past dreams, and our careers. It is at this time that many of us begin to see for the first time that our career is far more than the job we perform; our career is our life.

When I first realized my life was my career I was almost fifty. I had geared up my business. I had opened an office in Washington, D.C., hired a public relations firm to promote me, and begun pursuing international business. All of these pursuits were successful, yet something still seemed to be missing.

I looked at my life and realized it was in pretty good balance. I was making time for exercise, travel, painting, and relationships (although this was my weakest link). The problem was not what I was doing but how I was doing it. I placed more importance on work than I did on the other activities such as painting. If, for example, a client wanted to meet at the same time my painting group met, I would bag painting.

I now see the best gift I can give my clients is to live my life by example; to practice what I preach. I am giving myself to permission to put myself first. We cannot stand fully in our power until we commit to a balanced life.

August 3, 2008

A while back Just for Men Haircolor commissioned a survey of one hundred professional career advisors. Seventy percent said appearance affects an employee’s salary. More than 60 percent said that some of their male clients lost out on job opportunities because they did not look well groomed, and nearly 65 percent of those counselors surveyed said that some men missed out because they looked too old for the job. The most obvious signs of aging were:

• Out of style clothing, 73 percent
• Low energy or enthusiasm, 67 percent
• Gray hair, 58 percent
• Wrinkles, 50 percent
• Being overweight, 40 percent

Tip: Check out these tips for both men and women on how to make impressive impressions, http://buildyourleaders.com/pdf/Dress_to_Impress.pdf.

July 27, 2008

Over the past ten years, I have trained more than five thousand men and women in presentation skills. Participants always want to know how to structure presentations to ensure buy-in, how to dress and move in order to make good impressions, and how to deal with difficult audiences. They also want to know how to use visuals.

Here are a few tips on three common visuals.

PowerPoint

1. Know your presentation even without visual support. PowerPoint is not a teleprompter.
2. Don’t allow visuals to dominate the presentation. Begin and end the presentation without visuals. Keep the focus on you.
3. Don’t read the visual.
4. Communicate only one point per visual.
5. Limit word slides.
6. Use graphics to tell the good news and tables to tell the bad.
7. Make sure colors are consistent. Consider black or blue for background colors.
8. Don’t use pastels.
9. Round off numbers.
10. When you first show your visual, ask if everyone in the room can see it. Give them a chance to read it; then reestablish eye contact, and speak.

Overheads

1. Use overheads sparingly (if at all) and only in smaller, less
formal presentations.
2. Take off and put on transparencies in silence.
3. Don’t cover an overhead with a piece of paper and slowly move down to reveal one point at a time.
4. Don’t use a pen, pencil, finger, or laser pen to point to an item on the overhead.
5. Use color, but use it consistently.

Flipcharts

1. Write in silence.
2. Leave every other page blank.
3. Make sure letters are at least two inches tall, and separate lines by three inches.
4. Use color, but use it consistently.
5. Use block letters, capitals only.

Tip: Check out http://www.visual-literacy.org/periodic_table/periodic_table.html for some new ideas for visuals for your presentations.

July 20, 2008

Experts predict it’s just a matter of time before Web cams are standard equipment for all home and office computers. Men’s Health magazine offers these tips to look and sound our best for vitual meetings, presentations, job interviews, and videoconferencing.

Dress: Wear muted solids. Complex patterns make you blur, thin stripes or herringbone make you strobe, and solid white makes you glow (although that could be interesting).

Setting: Choose a well-lighted spot and fill shadows in by placing a lamp on either side of the Web cam. Check to see if you need to remove background clutter such as a painting, open door, or cluttered table.

Shot: The camera should be eye level. Looking up at the camera will cause you to look small and lose authority. Looking down will make you appear large and threatening. Frame the shot so that your are seen from the chest up. Lean slighty forward.

Sound: Speak as if the person were sitting across from you. If you are getting feedback or an echo, suggest that your vitual partner lower the volume.

July 13, 2008

While some politicians may not be authentic communicators, most are masters in how to grab audiences' attention. These politicians understand the importance of "flagging phrases."

When Richard Nixon said, "Let me make myself perfectly clear," we stopped and listened, and when George Bush told us, "Read my lips," we hung on every word. These phrases are what public relations professionals call "flagging phrases," and they have the same effect as tapping a spoon to a glass at a banquet; everyone stops and tunes into what the speaker has to say.

One of the most effective ways to flag audiences' attention is to use numbers. When we say, "There are "x" points to remember," listeners become alert and ready to record each point.

Still another flagging phrase is to end our talk by saying, "In summary" or "In conclusion." Most audiences tune back into the speaker when he or she recaps the important points at the end of a speech.

There are many other flagging phrases. Some of my favorites are:

• "Please don't forget…."
• "The best part about…."
• "The key is…."
• "The fact is…."
• "The most important thing is…."
• "I think the bottom line is…."

Powerful communicators use flagging phrases to grab audiences' attention. Try adding several of these phrases to your communications tool box.

July 6, 2008

Click, click, click. I could hear the computer keys clicking in the background while talking to a friend on the phone the other day. He was sending someone else an e-mail as I shared a story.

We are an ADD society, and it’s harder and harder to get our attention. I have to wonder, “Is anyone listening anymore?”

The ability to listen is critical to our professional and social success, yet most of us are lousy listeners. I teach listening skills and yet my listening skills have a lot of room to improve. All of us could improve how we listen.

We become stronger communicators when we practice both active and empathetic listening.

Practice active listening:

1. Make a commitment to listen.
2. Listen to understand first.
3. Reserve judgment.
4. Don’t interrupt.
5. React to the message.
6. Briefly summarize.
7. Listen with your eyes as well as ears.

Become an empathetic listener:

1. Focus on feelings.
2. Physically mirror the other person’s breathing, voice speed and volume, words and phrases, and/or appropriate gestures and posture.
3. Nudge the speaker to a solution.

Consider author Harville Hendrix’s suggestions for empathetic listening:

Mirror:
(Repeat what you heard.)
“So you are saying…”
“Did I get that right?”
“Is there more?”

Validate:
(Explain how what they said makes sense to you.)
“It makes sense to me that you would say that, because…”

Empathize:
(Guess their feelings.)
“And I guess you would be feeling (sad, mad, scared, happy, sorry, etc.) about that.”

June 29, 2008

When writing to persuade or sell:

1. Know who you are writing for and keep their preferences in mind as you write each word.
2. Put your message in terms of "you" rather than "I" or "we." People don't care about what "we" offer; they care about how your product or service can make their lives better.
3. Make it clear what your readers should do, think, or believe as a result of reading the information you present.
4. State your intention as a command, known as a "call to action." It can be as simple as "Call for more information" or "Order it now."

June 22, 2008

Asheville-based psychologist Deborah Barnett suggests five tactics for keeping a positive frame of mind.

1. Express gratitude in any way that works for you.
2. Find the humor in events. Take yourself lightly and laugh more often.
3. Take the time to participate in activities you love. Research shows that being actively engaged in the world in enjoyable ways increases positive affect.
4. Engage in some form of physical exercise.
5. Practice forgiveness.

June 15, 2008

Show me a presenter who isn’t just a little anxious when she or he speaks, and I will show you an ineffective speaker. Cicero, Rome’s brilliant orator, admitted, “I turn pale at the outset of every speech and quake in every limb and in my soul.” Winston Churchill got nervous before every speech, and even veteran actress Katharine Hepburn was reported to become “a bundle of nerves” before a live performance.

A little anxiety is a good thing when presenting, but a lot of anxiety isn’t. Even over time the fear of speaking publicly doesn’t go away, but great presenters know, as Art Linkletter once said, that you can learn to make the butterflies fly in formation.

I am nervous before every talk and seminar I give. In almost every case, my anxiety is caused by a fear of how I will be judged. “Will they think I am smart?” “Will they give me a good evaluation?” “Will they feel I was worth their investment?”

Communications researcher Michael Motley found that most presenters operate under one of two general attitudes – a communications or performance attitude. Speakers with high anxiety almost always have a performance orientation. They view their audience as critics who are judging how they make their presentation. As a result, these presenters become over-focused on their wording and delivery. Presenters with a communications orientation are less concerned with their performance. Instead, they focus on connecting with and communicating to their audiences.

When I shift my focus from my performance to my audience’s needs, magic happens. Not only does my anxiety cease, I connect more with the group.

Tip: When you feel yourself going into performance mode during a talk, you can tell a story, share something about yourself, or involve the audience in an activity or question. Quickly, you’ll shift back into a communications orientation.

June 9, 2008

A study by author and speaker Brian Tracy revealed that people who simply wrote down their wants and put the list away, discovered a year later that 80 percent of what they wrote came to be.

June 1, 2008

Change your beliefs about past events and you’ll change the way you live your life today, says author Mandy Evans. In her book Travelling Free, Evans offers the top twenty self-defeating beliefs.

Here are ten:

1. I’m not good enough to be loved.
2. No matter what I do, I should be doing something else.
3. If it hasn’t happened yet, it never will.
4. If you knew what I’m really like, you wouldn’t want me.
5. I don’t know what I want.
6. I upset people.
7. Sex is dirty and nasty; save it for the one you love.
8. Better stop wanting; if you get your hopes up, you’ll get hurt.
9. If I fail, I should feel bad for a long time and be really scared to try it again.
10. I should have worked this out by now.

Recognize any? I had to claim four.

May 25th, 2008

"Our deepest calling is to grow into authentic selfhood. . . We begin and end in authenticity, and in between, our task is to find ways to make that authenticity relevant to the world." ~ Author and theologian Parker J. Palmer

Of all the invisible forces behind an invincible presence, perhaps none is as important as authenticity. Without it, it’s almost impossible to communicate to connect. You may feel that this force is at odds with persona, and it can be. But the strongest personas are those grounded in authenticity.

I grew up in a home where it wasn’t okay to be who you are. For many of you, this may sound familiar. To garner my parents’ approval I adopted what I now call my “golden boy image.” It was not until I reached mid-life that I learned that this image really was not serving me. I was lonely and had few real connections in my life.

By relaxing my grip on perfection, and even becoming vulnerable at times, I began to forge stronger relationships. Still, I slip from time to time. When I am feeling insecure, I can step into the rusty armor of my golden boy image.

The path to authenticity can feel like a never-ending one. Like so many pathways to individuation, insight is a snap compared to implementation. Many times I forget and fail, but when I am authentic, I am authentically happy, and I am home.

I read once about an ancient Jewish teaching where a young man kneels at the side of his mentor’s deathbed. With tears streaming down his eyes, he looks into the fading eyes of his beloved rabbi and asks, "Are you afraid of dying?"

"I only fear when The Holy asks The One Great Question," the wise man weakly answers.

"The One Great Question?"

Slowly, the rabbi raises his head and whispers, "Why weren’t you more yourself?"

May 18th, 2008

Eye contact, or lack of it, doesn’t expose a liar, says Michael Wheeler, a professor at Harvard Business School and an expert on negotiation tactics. A far more reliable measure is tone of voice. Most people sound tense when lying, and their voices take a slightly higher pitch. Finally, studies show that liars tell less compelling accounts with fewer gestures than truth tellers.

May 11th, 2008

Communications guru Dianna Booher claims it's easier to convince a group of thirty people than to win over a smaller audience of three.

The bigger the crowd, Booher explains, the more anonymous each person feels, allowing people to drop their guard and think more independently. In small groups, people tend to stuff their emotions, and in a larger group they relax and are more likely to be themselves.

May 4th, 2008

If you are like me, you spend a lot of time on the phone. Voice mail has made it harder and harder to connect with people by phone. According to the American Telemarketing Association, you have a five times better chance of reaching someone over the phone between 9 and 10 in the morning than any other time of day.

Furthermore, research shows that you are twice as likely to close a deal at the end of the day. That's a good incentive to make one more call at the end of the day; it could be your best.

April 27th, 2008

Are you one of the millions of Americans are asking themselves what they are doing, where they are going, and what they want to do with the rest of their lives?

Faced with a myriad of options, many become paralyzed. Author, speaker, and counselor Richard Leider offers this simple formula for making life choices:

T + P + E x V

T is for talent. What are your strengths and weaknesses, and are you maximizing those strengths while managing the weaknesses? Many of us aren’t aware of our talents and shortcomings, and as a result most of us aren’t living up to our full potential.

P is for purpose. Most of us are searching for meaning, and we want to know that our lives matter. “Where the needs of the world and your talents cross, there lies your vocation,” Aristotle once offered. How are you using your talents to make the world -- even your little part of it -- a better place?

E is for environment. Many people have real talents and are prepared to apply them in something they believe in, but their environment holds them back. What environment best suits your style, your temperament, and your values? Using the Birkman Method, I help clients determine their ideal work environment so that they won’t make costly mistakes.

V is for vision. Talent, purpose, and environment are about work style and choice. Vision describes how work fits into the rest of your life. For close to 25 years, Richard Leider interviewed more than 1,000 people who retired from leading companies after distinguished careers. Most said if they could live their lives again, they would:

1. Be more reflective
2. Take more risks
3. Understand what gave them fulfillment

Leider concludes that fulfillment is the truest measure of success, and fulfillment comes from integrity, knowing who you are and finding the courage to express yourself in the world.

April 20th, 2008

Gayle A. Davis, Ph.D., in her book High Performance Thinking suggests we tear a page out of the top athletes' training manual and use positive self-talk. Great athletes reach peak performance by visualization and silently repeating over and over:

1. A technical command
2. A motivational phrase
3. An emotional phrase

You can do the same before your speak. Try closing your eyes and visualizing yourself presenting. See the room and visualize your audience. You are in total command of the subject. You are confident, poised, relaxed, and friendly. You are a powerful speaker.

Look over the feedback you received in your last presentation training coaching session, craft a simple phrase that summarizes your goal, and silently repeat it to yourself. Your phrase may sound something like this:

• "One thought per person."
• "I know my stuff."
• "They will see me for the professional I am."

Your ability to communicate effectively, like your self-image, is 85 percent attitude and 15 percent skill. By blending positive self-talk and visualization with technical skills, you can become a great presenter.

April 13th, 2008

Much of the way we present is determined by how we view ourselves. Gayle A. Davis, Ph.D., in her book High Performance Thinking suggests that self-image is made up of four parts:

1. How we see ourselves
2. How others see us
3. How we think others see us
4. How we would like to be seen

Out of the four, the most difficult to discover is how others see us. Presentation training offers us a glimpse into others' perceptions, for during it, in a positive and supportive setting, we learn what people experience when we speak.

Most training participants are surprised that others see them much better than they see themselves, and for many this positive feedback is hard to accept.

We tend to be our own worst critics. And when we engage in negative thinking about ourselves, we sabotage our chances for success.

April 7th, 2008

When I lived in Atlanta, I attended a Bible study class at St. Luke's Episcopal Church. We would meet at the downtown church every Wednesday at 7 a.m. One of our members, Adele, arrived at the church an hour earlier to cook us a wonderful breakfast of eggs, bacon, and biscuits. What a treat.

We were a ragtag group of various ages, incomes, and education. Still we shared a thirst for spiritual growth. One 70-something member, Muriel, shared that she went to a therapist at least once a year to "clear out any secrets." "We all have them, you know," she added. I loved the concept and visited a therapist for the first time in my life that year. Muriel was right: I found the experience cleansing.

A friend recently told me about a website that offers a similar service. People create and send anonymous postcards with their secrets, and these postcards are posted on the site. Some of the postings are funny, while others are quite sad. All are entertaining. Check out one of the coolest sites on the web, www.postsecret.com.

March 30th, 2008

"People will forgive you for poor judgment, but rarely for poor intentions."
~ Dianna Booher Communicate with Confidence: How to Say It Right the First Time and Every Time

The first step of all communication is to examine intention. If my intention is not in the best interest of all parties, I can count on the communication to be difficult. But when I shift my intention to take both parties into consideration, I increase the chances of success. Let me share a story.

Dinner was awful! My guest was polite saying it tasted fine, but I knew better. I had prepared the same recipes only a month ago and they had been delicious. What happened? I used the same ingredients; I even purchased the same brands.

Nothing was different. Except…except…my attitude. My intention. I had been resentful while making dinner. Work had been especially hectic that week, and I would have rather eaten out. My friend probably wouldn't have minded, but instead of speaking my truth I chose to become a martyr, forgetting that the outcome of every task we undertake-even cooking-is colored by intention.

I learned this lesson some years ago when I was general manager of a public relations agency. My intention often determined success or failure when dealing with personnel issues. When I concentrated on correcting the problem, the employee left my office feeling discouraged and unmotivated, but when I focused on helping the employee do the great job I knew he or she wanted to do, the result was quite different. The employee left motivated, fired up to do a better job.

Intention also plays a role when my significant other and I disagree. When I'm concerned about winning, I almost always lose. But when I begin a discussion with the intention to find compromise, and when I put the relationship first, we almost always resolve the problem peacefully. Plus, the "all-win" communication strengthens our relationship.

Do you examine your intentions? If not, try it. Before you begin an important communication today, take a moment to examine your intention and decide if you need to shift it to an "all-win orientation." I guarantee you'll find, as I have, that positive intention results in powerful communication.

March 23rd, 2008

I heard once that to become who we are we have to let go of who we are not. Like most clever sayings, it is easier said than done.

Gabriel Marchel, in his book Being and Having, laments that our society teaches us how to hold onto and to possess, when it should be teaching us how to let go. We will never live  richer, more authentic, lives until we do, because most of us are stuck in old belief systems that seldom get us what we really want.

Sometimes, it’s difficult to know when to let go. Lecturer, author, and counselor Penny Peirce suggests taking a closer look when we:

• Are confused.
• Are depressed.
• Have no sense of direction.
• Have run out of motivation.
• Don’t like ourselves.
• Feel a sense of urgency all the time.
• Are ahead of ourselves and others.
• Are overwhelmed and overcrowded.
• Are procrastinating.
• Are spending time in the past.
• Are trying too hard.
• Feel no one seems to hear or see us.
• Find little of interest.
• Have no confidence.
• Feel things aren’t fun anymore.
• Expect results too soon.
• Are compulsive.
• Are sure the answer lies in thinking or doing more, better, or differently.

After seeing myself in more than several of Penny Peirce’s guidelines, I listed those belief systems that no longer serve me. Within minutes, my list had grown to ten. I then selected three “biggies” on which to focus my work:

1. “Doing is better than being.”
2. “I am not enough.”
3. “There is not enough.”

I was ready to begin letting go, and to do it I committed to a simple three-step process:

1. Recognize when I am reacting to outdated belief systems. Emotional warning signals include feeling anxious, afraid, indignant, rejected, sorry for myself, ashamed, worried, or confused.
2. Take a deep belly breath and gently observe what I am doing/feeling without judgment. “Whoops, there I go again.”
3. Examine what has happened and tell myself the truth.  For example, when I catch myself worrying about money (“there is not enough”), I remind myself that I have plenty of money on which to live, and besides, I can always make more.

March 16th, 2008

Those of you who know me, know that I love to follow trends. One futurist I follow is Roger Herman of the Herman Group. Herman and his partner Joyce Gioia specialize in employee retention and offer a free weekly eNewsletter that I subscribe to, http://www.hermangroup.com/futurespeak/e-advisories.html.

Herman believes – and I concur – that money is no longer the chief motivator in getting job candidates to sign on the dotted line. “Maintaining balance between work and personal lives is rapidly becoming one of the primary motivators for today’s workers. Balance has already surfaced as an important criterion for people choosing their next employer.” The focus is now on “softer issues” like professional development, being involved in decision making, childcare, and finding meaning in one’s work. Chief among these issues is work-life balance.

Many of my clients struggle with work-life balance. Upon questioning them, I find that many of their challenges are self-inflicted. It’s not so much the company’s expectations of them, as their expectations of themselves. Smart employers know they can increase employee retention rates by being sensitive to life balance.

I empathize with my clients’ struggle for balance. “I should be doing something productive,” my inner critic whispers. And with Blackberries, cell phones, and e-mail, it’s too easy to stay connected with work during downtimes.

I sure don’t have the solution, but I have found that if I schedule time to do the things I enjoy, I make time for them. For example, every Tuesday morning (when I’m not out of town) I attend a painting group at A-B Tech in Asheville. For three hours, I have nothing to do but paint. For me it’s time well spent, as those three hours help ground me through the week.

March 9th, 2008

If you listen only with your ears, you could be missing out on much of the message. Good listeners keep their eyes open while listening.

Some nonverbal signals to watch for include:

• Rubbing one eye. When you hear “I guess you’re right,” and the speaker is rubbing one eye, guess again. Rubbing one eye often is a signal that the speaker is having trouble inwardly accepting something.
• Tapping feet. When a statement is accompanied by foot-tapping, it usually indicates a lack of confidence in what is being said.
• Rubbing fingers. When you see the thumb and forefinger rubbing together, it often means that the speaker is holding something back.
• Staring and blinking. If you’ve made your best offer and the other person stares at the ceiling and blinks rapidly, your offer is under consideration.
• Crooked smiles. Most genuine smiles are symmetrical. And most facial expressions are fleeting. If a smile is noticeably crooked, you’re probably looking at a fake smile.
• Eyes that avoid contact. Poor eye contact can be a sign of low self-esteem, but it can also indicate that the speaker is not being truthful.

It would be unwise to make a decision based solely on these visible signals, but they can give you valuable information on the kind of questions to ask and the kind of answers to be alert for.

March 2nd, 2008

A workshop participant recently asked me if it was okay to use notes. “Absolutely,” I replied. “Have a happy.”

Here are three tips for using notes:

One: Carry your notes with you to the podium. If you are using cards, place those cards in one hand inconspicuously. If using sheets, place them in a folder with pockets and carry the folder.

Two: Do not hold notes when you speak. When possible place them on a small table or on the podium. 

Three: When you have finished one thought and need to check your notes for your next thought, finish that thought with confidence, pause, look at your notes and find the next point; then reestablish eye contact with a member of the audience, and begin speaking.  Take all the time you need to read your notes. Don’t be afraid of the silence. Pauses can be quite powerful.

February 25th, 2008

Whether with your spouse, partner, children, employee, or career, would you like to build a more conscious relationship? Check out http://www.stateofgracedocument.com.

And if you get a chance to attend one of Maureen and Zell's workshops, do it! It can be life altering.

February 17th, 2008

If you are a manager and don't know about servant-leadership, you should. Servant-leadership is a practical philosophy that supports people who choose to serve first, and then lead as a way of expanding service to individuals and the institutions they serve. Servant-leaders may or may not hold formal leadership positions. Servant-leadership encourages collaboration, trust, foresight, listening, and the ethical use of power and empowerment.

Robert Greenleaf, the man who coined the phrase, described servant-leadership in this way.

"The servant-leader is servant first. . . The difference manifests itself in the care taken by the servant-- first to make sure that other people's highest priority needs are being served. The best test, and difficult to administer, is: do those served grow as persons; do they, while being served, become healthier, wiser, freer, more autonomous, more likely themselves to become servants? And, what is the effect on the least privileged in society; will they benefit, or at least, will they not be further deprived?"

Taken from Servant As Leader, published by
Robert Greenleaf in 1970.

February 10th, 2008

I have a friend who is a self-described "blurter." "I'm like a gumball machine -- whatever pops in my head comes out of my mouth," she says.

I have several clients who share a similar affliction, and to be honest I have been known to blurt too at times. I am working to stop, pause, and think before I speak out.

When I am acting as if everything is a 9-1-1, I am more likely to speak without thinking. When I feel the adrenaline pumping, I try to remember to take the pause that refreshes. I stop, take a good cleansing breath, feel my feet on the floor, and hear the sounds around me. This pause helps me become present and grounded, and I am less likely to blurt out.

Alcoholic Anonymous has some wonderful sayings. One is to THINK before you speak.

T = Thoughtful
H = Honest
I = Intelligent
N = Necessary
K = Kind

February 3rd, 2008

Extraordinary moments pop up at ordinary times when we pay attention. My friend David was standing in line at the supermarket when an impatient woman broke in line and demanded the cashier check her out. "I only have one item," she barked. The young cashier politely explained she was serving another customer. Exasperated, the woman broke into another line.

David looked at the cashier, rolled his eyes, and said, "She must have been in some hurry." The cashier opened her mouth to reply, then paused and thought better of it. She took a deep breath and said, "I do it, too."

I do it, too, thought David. What a wonderful response. Instead of judging the impatient woman, the cashier found empathy.

"All through the day, whenever I got put out with someone, I thought, 'I do it, too,'" David told me. "Whether I was in line, in traffic, or dealing with a rude coworker, I remembered, 'I do it, too.' What a gift that cashier gave me," David said. "And I would have missed it, if I wasn't paying attention."

January 27th, 2008

It was so beautiful that if it was a painting it would have been on velvet. My friend David and I were watching the sun set over Washington, D.C., from a stone-clad tower at the National Cathedral. The bright tangerine rays backlit the clouds in such a way that the entire scene looked surreal, much like a painting on velvet. In silence we watched as the bright orange ball descended into the horizon, cloaking Washington in darkness.

When I am around such beauty it almost seems more than I can handle. I find myself wanting to fast forward through the experience. Weeks later, I mentioned this to another friend, who quoted a line from the award-winning film American Beauty. Kevin Spacey's character, Lester Burnham, delivers it:

"But it's hard to stay mad when there is so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that is about to burst and then I remember to relax and stop trying to hold on to it and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I am talking about. I am sure. But don't you worry, you will some day."

January 20th, 2008

It used to be that employees listed money as their primary motivator; later, it became money and benefits. Today, employees are seeking more control of their time. They are looking to improve their life balance.

At midlife, we begin to believe we are mortal; we begin to consider living and dying. We ask ourselves:

• What is really important?
• Have I made the most of my potential?

We review relationships, our past dreams, and our careers. It is at this time that many of us begin to see for the first time that our career is far more than the job we perform; our career is our life.

When I first realized my life was my career I was almost fifty. I had geared up my business. I had opened an office in Washington, D.C., hired a public relations firm to promote me, and begun pursuing international business. All of these pursuits were successful, yet something still seemed to be missing.

I looked at my life and realized it was in pretty good balance. I was making time for exercise, travel, painting, and relationships (although this was my weakest link). The problem was not what I was doing but how I was doing it. I placed more importance on work than I did on the other activities such as painting. If, for example, a client wanted to meet at the same time my painting group met, I would bag painting.

I now see the best gift I can give my clients is to live my life by example; to practice what I preach. I am giving myself to permission to put myself first. We cannot stand fully in our power until we commit to a balanced life.

January 12th, 2008

"How do I grow to become who I am? By ceasing to be who you are not."

Pat Rodegast and Judith Stanton, Emmanuel's Book

January 6th, 2008

A while back Just for Men Haircolor commissioned a survey of one hundred professional career advisors. Seventy percent said appearance affects an employee's salary. More than 60 percent said that some of their male clients lost out on job opportunities because they did not look well groomed, and nearly 65 percent of those counselors surveyed said that some men missed out because they looked too old for the job. The most obvious signs of aging were:

• Out of style clothing, 73 percent
• Low energy or enthusiasm, 67 percent
• Gray hair, 58 percent
• Wrinkles, 50 percent
• Being overweight, 40 percent

December 30th, 2007

Asheville Citizen- Times writer Rob Neufeld made an interesting observation:

"Popular culture makers might do well to grasp the concept that the masses want highbrow thinking communicated in lowbrow ways. They want Washington Post content and National Enquirer style."

December 27th, 2007

Over the past ten years, I have trained more than five thousand men and women in presentation skills. Participants always want to know how to structure presentations to ensure buy-in, how to dress and move in order to make good impressions, and how to deal with difficult audiences. They also want to know how to use visuals.

Here are a few tips on three common visuals.

PowerPoint

1. Know your presentation even without visual support. PowerPoint is not a teleprompter.
2. Don't allow visuals to dominate the presentation. Begin and end the presentation without visuals. Keep the focus on you.
3. Don't read the visual.
4. Communicate only one point per visual.
5. Limit word slides.
6. Use graphics to tell the good news and tables to tell the bad.
7. Make sure colors are consistent. Consider black or blue for background colors.
8. Don't use pastels.
9. Round off numbers.
10. When you first show your visual, ask if everyone in the room can see it. Give them a chance to read it; then reestablish eye contact, and speak.

Overheads

1. Use overheads sparingly (if at all) and only in smaller, less formal presentations.
2. Take off and put on transparencies in silence.
3. Don't cover an overhead with a piece of paper and slowly move down to reveal one point at a time.
4. Don't use a pen, pencil, finger, or laser pen to point to an item on the overhead.
5. Use color, but use it consistently.

Flipcharts

1. Write in silence.
2. Leave every other page blank.
3. Make sure letters are at least two inches tall, and separate lines by three inches.
4. Use color, but use it consistently.
5. Use block letters, capitals only.

December 16th, 2007

Fact: It has been estimated that as much as 80 percent of a manager's day is spent communicating.

December 10th, 2007

Media spokesperson and trainer extraordinaire Debbie Wetherhead offers this sage advice, "Never look at the camera unless there's not a reporter or host to speak to." (For information on spokesperson training, click here.)

December 2nd, 2007

Experts predict it's just a matter of time before Web cams are standard equipment for all home and office computers. Men's Health magazine offers these tips to look and sound our best for vitual meetings, presentations, job interviews, and videoconferencing.

Dress: Wear muted solids. Complex patterns make you blur, thin stripes or herringbone make you strobe, and solid white makes you glow (although that could be interesting).

Setting: Choose a well-lighted spot and fill shadows in by placing a lamp on either side of the Web cam. Check to see if you need to remove background clutter such as a painting, open door, or cluttered table.

Shot: The camera should be eye level. Looking up at the camera will cause you to look small and lose authority. Looking down will make you appear large and threatening. Frame the shot so that your are seen from the chest up. Lean slighty forward.

Sound: Speak as if the person were sitting across from you. If you are getting feedback or an echo, suggest that your vitual partner lower the volume.

November 25th, 2007

While some politicians may not be authentic communicators, most are masters in how to grab audiences' attention. These politicians understand the importance of "flagging phrases."

When Richard Nixon said, "Let me make myself perfectly clear," we stopped and listened, and when George Bush told us, "Read my lips," we hung on every word. These phrases are what public relations professionals call "flagging phrases," and they have the same effect as tapping a spoon to a glass at a banquet; everyone stops and tunes into what the speaker has to say.

One of the most effective ways to flag audiences' attention is to use numbers. When we say, "There are "x" points to remember," listeners become alert and ready to record each point.

Still another flagging phrase is to end our talk by saying, "In summary" or "In conclusion." Most audiences tune back into the speaker when he or she recaps the important points at the end of a speech.

There are many other flagging phrases. Some of my favorites are:

• "Please don't forget…."
• "The best part about…."
• "The key is…."
• "The fact is…."
• "The most important thing is…."
• "I think the bottom line is…."

Powerful communicators use flagging phrases to grab audiences' attention. Try adding several of these phrases to your communications tool box.

November 18th, 2007

Branding Tip: If you have a business card, you need an e-mail signature. Two clients - both in the insurance business -- included a slogan summarizing their purpose statements:

I am in your corner.
My door is always open.

Mine includes a photo and this copy:

Sign up for my free eNewsletter at http://www.BuildYourLeaders.com

Randy Siegel

http://www.BuildYourLeaders.com
Atlanta, GA - Asheville, NC
(828) 236-0045 or (888) 836-0045

November 11th, 2007

Sirota Survey's Intelligence Survey reports that human resources pros list keeping mid-career employees engaged and boomer retirements as their top concerns. Almost half (48 percent) cite the former and 45 percent the latter as challenges they are least prepared for. This mirrors a slew of other data pointing to what we already know: Corporate America is scared to death over their lack of bench strength.

November 4th, 2007

UCLA researchers say that they have found the brain mechanism that governs empathy. It's found in an oval-shaped section of the brain called the insula.

Using an advanced imaging technique, they found that empathetic actions such as mirroring someone's facial expressions trigger greater activity in the emotion centers of the brain than merely observing the person's facial expressions.

October 28, 2007

Click, click, click. I could hear the computer keys clicking in the background while talking to a friend on the phone the other day. He was sending someone else an e-mail as I shared a story. We are an ADD society, and it's harder and harder to get our attention. I have to wonder, "Is anyone listening anymore?" The ability to listen is critical to our professional and social success, yet most of us are lousy listeners. I teach listening skills and yet my listening skills have a lot of room to improve. All of us could improve how we listen. We become stronger communicators when we practice both active and empathetic listening. Practice active listening:

1. Make a commitment to listen.
2. Listen to understand first.
3. Reserve judgment.
4. Don't interrupt.
5. React to the message.
6. Briefly summarize.
7. Listen with your eyes as well as ears.

Become an empathetic listener:

1. Focus on feelings.
2. Physically mirror the other person's breathing, voice speed and volume, words and phrases, and/or appropriate gestures and posture
3. Nudge the speaker to a solution.

Consider author Harville Hendrix's suggestions for empathetic listening:

Mirror:
(Repeat what you heard.)
"So you are saying…"
"Did I get that right?"
"Is there more?"

Validate:
(Explain how what they said makes sense to you.)
"It makes sense to me that you would say that, because…"

Empathize:
(Guess their feelings.)
"And I guess you would be feeling (sad, mad, scared, happy, sorry, etc.) about that."

October 22, 2007

People problems are the top cause for workplace stress, according to ComPsych, a Chicago-based employee assistance program. Their StressPulse(TM) survey for the second half of 2006 shows 36 percent of those surveyed citing "people issues" as the cause of stress, replacing workload for the first time.

October 14, 2007

When writing to persuade or sell:

• Know who you are writing for and keep their preferences in mind as you write each word.
• Put your message in terms of "you" rather than "I" or "we." People don't care about what "we" offer; they care about how your product or service can make their lives better.
• Make it clear what your readers should do, think, or believe as a result of reading the information you present.
• State your intention as a command, known as a "call to action." It can be as simple as "Call for more information" or "Order it now."

October 7, 2007

Want to know how other organizations deal with their training? According to Training Magazine's 2006 U.S. Training Industry Report, most organizations reported healthy increases in their training budgets, with an average budget increase of seven percent over 2005. In 2006, most companies reported spending $1,273 per learner on training.

September 30, 2007

Asheville-based psychologist Deborah Barnett suggests five tactics for keeping a positive frame of mind.

1. Express gratitude in any way that works for you.
2. Find the humor in events. Take yourself lightly and laugh more often.
3. Take the time to participate in activities you love. Research shows that being actively engaged in the world in enjoyable ways increases positive affect.
4. Engage in some form of physical exercise.
5. Practice forgiveness.

September 23, 2007

Show me a presenter who isn't just a little anxious when she or he speaks, and I will show you an ineffective speaker. Cicero, Rome's brilliant orator, admitted, "I turn pale at the outset of every speech and quake in every limb and in my soul." Winston Churchill got nervous before every speech, and even veteran actress Katharine Hepburn was reported to become "a bundle of nerves" before a live performance.

A little anxiety is a good thing when presenting, but a lot of anxiety isn't. Even over time the fear of speaking publicly doesn't go away, but great presenters know, as Art Linkletter once said, that you can learn to make the butterflies fly in formation.

I am nervous before every talk and seminar I give. In almost every case, my anxiety is caused by a fear of how I will be judged. "Will they think I am smart?" "Will they give me a good evaluation?" "Will they feel I was worth their investment?"

Communications researcher Michael Motley found that most presenters operate under one of two general attitudes - a communications or performance attitude. Speakers with high anxiety almost always have a performance orientation. They view their audience as critics who are judging how they make their presentation. As a result, these presenters become over-focused on their wording and delivery. Presenters with a communications orientation are less concerned with their performance. Instead, they focus on connecting with and communicating to their audiences.

When I shift my focus from my performance to my audience's needs, magic happens. Not only does my anxiety cease, I connect more with the group.

September 17, 2007

Change your beliefs about past events and you'll change the way you live your life today, says author Mandy Evans. In her book Travelling Free Evans offers the top twenty self-defeating beliefs.

Here are ten:

1. I'm not good enough to be loved.
2. No matter what I do, I should be doing something else.
3. If it hasn't happened yet, it never will.
4. If you knew what I'm really like, you wouldn't want me.
5. I don't know what I want.
6. I upset people.
7. Sex is dirty and nasty; save it for the one you love.
8. Better stop wanting; if you get your hopes up, you'll get hurt.
9. If I fail, I should feel bad for a long time and be really scared to try it again.
10. I should have worked this out by now.

Recognize any? I had to claim four.

September 9, 2007

Are you one of the millions of Americans are asking themselves what they are doing, where they are going, and what they want to do with the rest of their lives?

Faced with a myriad of options, many become paralyzed. Author, speaker, and counselor Richard Leider offers this simple formula for making life choices:

T + P + E x V

T is for talent. What are your strengths and weaknesses, and are you maximizing those strengths while managing the weaknesses? Many of us aren't aware of our talents and shortcomings, and as a result most of us aren't living up to our full potential.

P is for purpose. Most of us are searching for meaning, and we want to know that our lives matter. "Where the needs of the world and your talents cross, there lies your vocation," Aristotle once offered. How are you using your talents to make the world -- even your little part of it -- a better place?

E is for environment. Many people have real talents and are prepared to apply them in something they believe in, but their environment holds them back. What environment best suits your style, your temperament, and your values? Using the Birkman Method, I help clients determine their ideal work environment so that they won't make costly mistakes.

V is for vision. Talent, purpose, and environment are about work style and choice. Vision describes how work fits into the rest of your life. For close to 25 years, Richard Leider interviewed more than 1,000 people who retired from leading companies after distinguished careers. Most said if they could live their lives again, they would:

1. Be more reflective
2. Take more risks
3. Understand what gave them fulfillment

Leider concludes that fulfillment is the truest measure of success, and fulfillment comes from integrity, knowing who you are and finding the courage to express yourself in the world.

September 3, 2007

Wise words from Alcoholics Anonymous:

"Do the next right thing for the next right reason."

August 27, 2007

When we feel ourselves going into performance mode during a talk, we can tell a story, share something about ourselves, or involve the audience in an activity or question. Quickly, we are able to shift back into a communications orientation.

August 20, 2007

A study by author and speaker Brian Tracy revealed that people who simply wrote down their wants and put the list away, discovered a year later that 80 percent of what they wrote came to be.

August 13, 2007

Sales Czar Zig Ziglar reminds us that networking is getting what you want by helping others get what they want first.

August 6, 2007

Here’s another quote I love. This one is from Mother Teresa.

“People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.”

July 30, 2007

I love this quote:

“Our deepest calling is to grow into authentic selfhood. . . We begin and end in authenticity, and in between, our task is to find ways to make that authenticity relevant to the world.”

Author and theologian Parker J. Palmer

July 23, 2007

Eye contact, or lack of it, doesn’t expose a liar, says Michael Wheeler, a professor at Harvard Business School and an expert on negotiation tactics. A far more reliable measure is tone of voice. Most people sound tense when lying, and their voices take a slightly higher pitch. Finally, studies show that liars tell less compelling accounts with fewer gestures than truth tellers.

July 16, 2007

Those of you who have heard me speak know that I talk often about the feminization of business and business communications. Here’s additional proof: According to a 2006 article in Psychology Today women are 15 times as likely as men to become top executives at major corporations before the age of 40.

July 9, 2007

Communications guru Dianna Booher claims it’s easier to convince a group of thirty people than to win over a smaller audience of three.

The bigger the crowd, Booher explains, the more anonymous each person feels, allowing people to drop their guard and think more independently. In small groups, people tend to stuff their emotions, and in a larger group they relax and are more likely to be themselves.

July 2, 2007

If you are like me, you spend a lot of time on the phone. Voice mail has made it harder and harder to connect with people by phone. According to the American Telemarketing Association, you have a five times better chance of reaching someone over the phone between 9 and 10 in the morning than any other time of day.

Furthermore, research shows that you are twice as likely to close a deal at the end of the day. That’s a good incentive to make one more call at the end of the day; it could be your best.

June 28, 2007

I had a client who used to dismiss me by saying “yeah, yeah, yeah.” She sounds like one of the Beatles. You know, “She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah….” With each “yeah” an invisible shield appeared blocking the knowledge from sinking in.

I wonder how often I say to other people (or even think), “yeah, yeah, yeah,” ignoring the message that they are here to tell me.

June 26, 2007

My friend Beth is a writer. In fact, she used to help me edit my column, “Confessions of a Late Bloomer.” Over lunch, she told me a neat story about an out-of-work journalist who set up a stand on a public street with his old-fashioned black typewriter and “press” hat. For five dollars, people could tell him their stories and he would write a quick headline and lead summarizing their lives. It made me wonder, if someone summarized my life today in a quick headline and lead, what would he or she say?

June 21, 2007

Much of the way we present is determined by how we view ourselves. Gayle A. Davis, Ph.D., in her book High Performance Thinking suggests that self-image is made up of four parts:

1. How we see ourselves

2. How others see us

3. How we think others see us

4. How we would like to be seen

Out of the four, the most difficult to discover is how others see us. Presentation training offers us a glimpse into others’ perceptions, for during it, in a positive and supportive setting, we learn what people experience when we speak.

Most training participants are surprised that others see them much better than they see themselves, and for many this positive feedback is hard to accept.

We tend to be our own worst critics. And when we engage in negative thinking about ourselves, we sabotage our chances for success.

June 19, 2007

Gayle A. Davis, Ph.D., in her book High Performance Thinking, suggests we tear a page out of the top athletes’ training manual and use positive self-talk. Great athletes reach peak performance by visualization and silently repeating over and over:

1. A technical command

2. A motivational phrase

3. An emotional phrase

You can do the same before your speak. Try closing your eyes and visualizing yourself presenting. See the room and visualize your audience. You are in total command of the subject. You are confident, poised, relaxed, and friendly. You are a powerful speaker.

Look over the feedback you received in your last presentation training coaching session, craft a simple phrase that summarizes your goal, and silently repeat it to yourself. Your phrase may sound something like this:

• “One thought per person.”
• “I know my stuff.”
• “They will see me for the professional I am.”

Your ability to communicate effectively, like your self-image, is 85 percent attitude and 15 percent skill. By blending positive self-talk and visualization with technical skills, you can become a great presenter.

June 14, 2007

“Among a manager’s greatest challenges is to develop and learn to use a genuine and forceful professional persona, while at the same time respecting its power, understanding its purpose, and remaining conscious of its function in their life.”

Pete Williams, Jungian Analyst, Atlanta, Ga.

June 12, 2007

I know people come into our lives for a season, reason, or lifetime. Still, I have a hard time letting go.

I lost a large number of friends when I came out and divorced. Ten years later I am still having trouble letting go. I feel as if I lost a piece of my history when I lost their friendship, and in many ways I did.

That said, I know that I am a very different person than I was then, and chances are we would have little in common. Still, the loss makes me sad.

June 7, 2007

Tip: There’s some evidence that brief but regular deep breathing can reduce food cravings, improve sleep quality, and boost energy levels. In fact, recent research shows that we can get the same benefits as yoga, tai chi, and meditation by just three to five minutes of deep breathing twice a day.

June 5, 2007

Frank Luntz, one of the country’s leading market researchers, says that if you want to know what America is thinking ask a cab driver or antique dealer.

May 31, 2007

The other night I saw a terrific show on advertising on Frontline (http://www.pbs.org) called “The Persuaders.” One quote particularly stuck with me:

“The secret of all persuasion is to seduce the person to persuade himself.”

May 29, 2007

A shift took place in the early ’90s in the field of advertising; advertisers began to promote not what the product did, but what the product meant. This same shift is now taking place in the way businesspeople promote themselves.

Businesspeople are being judged not so much for what they do, but what they stand for. Those who stand for integrity, intelligence, empathy, and connection are destined for success.

May 24, 2007

I meet regularly with a wonderful dream interpreter and spiritual guide. His name is Joseph Dispenza, and he lives in San Miguel, Mexico (We meet by phone). Joseph helps me make what is unconscious, conscious so that I can make choices in my life.

At the end of 2006, a shift took place in my dreams regarding my relationship to the feminine and to family dynamics. The feminine characters in my dreams changed, and I kept dreaming that my family home had been sold.

“How will this show up in my life?” I asked Joseph, ready for instant results. “We’ll have to see,” Joseph replied. “My teacher taught me that a shift in the unconscious can take up to six months to show up in your conscious life.”

May 22, 2007

Joseph Dispenza, along with partners Beverly Nelson and Michael Herbert, runs a wonderful center for personal growth and healing in beautiful San Miguel de Allende. The center offers lectures, classes, workshops, and retreats on topics related to the health and wellness of the body, mind, and spirit.

Several years ago, I attended their signature program, the week-long Hero's Journey retreat. The retreat uses a unique model based on ancient sources to speed the process of personal transformation. Check it out at http://www.lifepathretreats.com.

May 17, 2007

Are you as covered up with spam e-mail as I am? Well, we are not alone.

According to a Reuters report out of London, spam now accounts for a full 90 percent of all e-mails.

A U.S. e-mail security company, Postini, reports that “The number of spam messages has tripled since June and now accounts for as many as nine out of ten e-mails sent worldwide.” In November, Postini detected an astounding 7 billion spam e-mails across the globe, compared to 2.5 billion in June.

A study released last year by the University of Maryland's Robert H. Smith School of Business reported that computer users spent an average of three minutes a day or 22.9 million hours per week deleting spam e-mail. That time translated to a loss of productivity and a financial loss of $21.58 billion per year. And that was in 2005 when spam levels were far lower than they are now.

May 15, 2007

When I lived in Atlanta, I attended a Bible study class at St. Luke’s Episcopal Church. We would meet at the downtown church every Wednesday at 7 a.m. One of our members, Adele, arrived at the church an hour earlier to cook us a wonderful breakfast of eggs, bacon, and biscuits. What a treat.

We were a ragtag group of various ages, incomes, and education. Still we shared a thirst for spiritual growth. One 70-something member, Muriel, shared that she went to a therapist at least once a year to “clear out any secrets.” “We all have them, you know,” she added. I loved the concept and visited a therapist for the first time in my life that year. Muriel was right: I found the experience cleansing.

A friend recently told me about a website that offers a similar service. People create and send anonymous postcards with their secrets, and these postcards are posted on the site. Some of the postings are funny, while others are quite sad. All are entertaining. Check out one of the coolest sites on the web, www.postsecret.com.

May 10, 2007

I am often asked for a recommendation for a good book on Jungian thought. As you probably know I am a big fan of the work of Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung. One of my favorite books was written by Bud Harris, a Jungian therapist from my hometown of Asheville, N.C. It is entitled Sacred Selfishness: A Guide to Living a Life of Substance. Check out Bud’s site at www.budharris.com.

If you are interested in other recommendations, click here.

May 8, 2007

Sometimes I feel I have so much to share with you that I am going to bust.

May 3, 2007

I heard once that to become who we are we have to let go of who we are not. Like most clever sayings, it is easier said than done.

Gabriel Marchel, in his book Being and Having, laments that our society teaches us how to hold onto and to possess, when it should be teaching us how to let go. We will never live richer, more authentic, lives until we do, because most of us are stuck in old belief systems that seldom get us what we really want.

Sometimes, it’s difficult to know when to let go. Lecturer, author, and counselor Penny Peirce suggests taking a closer look when we:

• Are confused.
• Are depressed.
• Have no sense of direction.
• Have run out of motivation.
• Don’t like ourselves.
• Feel a sense of urgency all the time.
• Are ahead of ourselves and others.
• Are overwhelmed and overcrowded.
• Are procrastinating.
• Are spending time in the past.
• Are trying too hard.
• Feel no one seems to hear or see us.
• Find little of interest.
• Have no confidence.
• Feel things aren’t fun anymore.
• Expect results too soon.
• Are compulsive.
• Are sure the answer lies in thinking or doing more, better, or differently.

After seeing myself in more than several of Penny Peirce’s guidelines, I listed those belief systems that no longer serve me. Within minutes, my list had grown to ten. I then selected three “biggies” on which to focus my work:

1. “Doing is better than being.”

2. “I am not enough.”

3. “There is not enough.”

I was ready to begin letting go, and to do it I committed to a simple three-step process:

1. Recognize when I am reacting to outdated belief systems. Emotional warning signals include feeling anxious, afraid, indignant, rejected, sorry for myself, ashamed, worried, or confused.

2. Take a deep belly breath and gently observe what I am doing/feeling without judgment. “Whoops, there I go again.”

3. Examine what has happened and tell myself the truth. For example, when I catch myself worrying about money (“there is not enough”), I remind myself that I have plenty of money on which to live, and besides, I can always make more.

May 1, 2007

Author Ken Keyes feels we are unaware of most our outmoded beliefs. Limiting beliefs are like an iceberg, he writes. Ninety percent of the iceberg remains under the surface where we can’t see it. When we do the inner work of letting go, we cut away at the visible 10 percent, and when that 10 percent is gone, another 10 percent pops right back up.

Inner work is a lifelong pursuit, and lasting change rarely comes overnight. But over time and with awareness and attention, change does come. We let go of those belief systems that no longer serve us and begin living richer, more authentic lives.

April 26, 2007

Alcoholics Anonymous has some good advice for those of us who are “blurters,” who speak before we think. Remember T-H-I-N-K.

T = Thoughtful

H = Honest

I = Intelligent

N = Necessary

K = Kind

April 24, 2007

Some of you wanted to know my connection with Alcoholics Anonymous since I often share thoughts and slogans from the program. When I am in town, I attend a weekly Al-Anon meeting. Al-Anon offers hope and help to families and friends of alcoholics. I no longer have an alcoholic in my life (I dated a recovering alcoholic for a little over a year), but I still find the program helpful. Al-Anon reminds me to stay focused on my business and not another’s, and that each of us has his or her own path.

April 19, 2007

From Alcoholics Anonymous:

GOP: Don’t do anything out of guilt, obligation, or pity.

April 17, 2007

“What are you pretending not to know?”

Graffiti found in a Harvard Business School restroom

April 12, 2007

Here are several other observations from futurist Roger Herman of The Herman Group:

“A stronger influence of women in societal leadership positions will shift our cultural orientation from confrontation and competition to more cooperation and collaboration.

Women who are acculturated to build and nurture relationships will be more successful than the traditional males who have been taught to compete and ‘win at all costs.’

In the longer term, the need for human-to-human interaction will reassert itself.

We anticipate a rebellion against voice mail and e-mail used as screens, excuses for people to actually communicate with each other.

New career designs will emerge as people change jobs and occupations every two to four years. Mid-career retirements, also known as sabbaticals, will replace the end-of-career retirement for a large percentage of workers. An increasing number of people will work from home, operating their own businesses, tele-commuting, or under contract to one or more employers. Geographic distance between employer and worker will become much less important.”

April 10, 2007

Those of you who know me, know that I love to follow trends. One futurist I follow is Roger Herman of the Herman Group. Herman and his partner Joyce Gioia specialize in employee retention and offer a free weekly eNewsletter that I subscribe to, click here to subscribe.

Herman believes – and I concur – that money is no longer the chief motivator in getting job candidates to sign on the dotted line. “Maintaining balance between work and personal lives is rapidly becoming one of the primary motivators for today’s workers. Balance has already surfaced as an important criterion for people choosing their next employer.” The focus is now on “softer issues” like professional development, being involved in decision making, childcare, and finding meaning in one’s work. Chief among these issues is work-life balance.

Many of my clients struggle with work-life balance. Upon questioning them, I find that many of their challenges are self-inflicted. It’s not so much the company’s expectations of them, as their expectations of themselves. Smart employers know they can increase employee retention rates by being sensitive to life balance.

I empathize with my clients’ struggle for balance. “I should be doing something productive,” my inner critic whispers. And with Blackberries, cell phones, and e-mail, it’s too easy to stay connected with work during downtimes.

I sure don’t have the solution, but I have found that if I schedule time to do the things I enjoy, I make time for them. For example, every Tuesday morning (when I’m not out of town) I attend a painting group at A-B Tech in Asheville. For three hours, I have nothing to do but paint. For me it’s time well spent, as those three hours help ground me through the week.

April 5, 2007

A workshop participant recently asked me if it was okay to use notes. “Absolutely,” I replied. “Have a happy.”

Here are three tips for using notes:

One: Carry your notes with you to the podium. If you are using cards, place those cards in one hand inconspicuously. If using sheets, place them in a folder with pockets and carry the folder.

Two: Do not hold notes when you speak. When possible place them on a small table or on the podium.

Three: When you have finished one thought and need to check your notes for your next thought, finish that thought with confidence, pause, look at your notes and find the next point; then reestablish eye contact with a member of the audience, and begin speaking. Take all the time you need to read your notes. Don’t be afraid of the silence. Pauses can be quite powerful.

April 3, 2007

If you listen only with your ears, you could be missing out on much of the message. Good listeners keep their eyes open while listening.

Some nonverbal signals to watch for include:

Rubbing one eye. When you hear “I guess you’re right,” and the speaker is rubbing one eye, guess again. Rubbing one eye often is a signal that the speaker is having trouble inwardly accepting something.

Tapping feet. When a statement is accompanied by foot-tapping, it usually indicates a lack of confidence in what is being said.

Rubbing fingers. When you see the thumb and forefinger rubbing together, it often means that the speaker is holding something back.

Staring and blinking. If you’ve made your best offer and the other person stares at the ceiling and blinks rapidly, your offer is under consideration.

Crooked smiles. Most genuine smiles are symmetrical. And most facial expressions are fleeting. If a smile is noticeably crooked, you’re probably looking at a fake smile.

Eyes that avoid contact. Poor eye contact can be a sign of low self-esteem, but it can also indicate that the speaker is not being truthful.

It would be unwise to make a decision based solely on these visible signals, but they can give you valuable information on the kind of questions to ask and the kind of answers to be alert for.

March 29, 2007

Career Tip: Being able to speak a different language is a big plus for those who want to make it in big business.

March 27, 2007

Today, I worked with a young man who was petrified to speak to a large group. For most of us, our fear of public speaking is caused by a fear of exposure. See if this sounds like you before you speak:

“I am totally exposed. What I say or don’t say, and how I say it, will be used against me. I am afraid to show people who I really am because they may not like what they see, and it’s all I have.”

Here are five tips to help you manage your fear of public speaking:

1. Get a new attitude. All communication is a one-to-one conversation.

2. Most people want us to succeed.

3. Breathe!

4. Face your fears. Just do it.

5. Know your subject and practice!

March 22, 2007

Need a laugh? Here are some actual quotes (allegedly) taken from government employee reviews:

Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat.

This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

When his IQ reaches 50 he should sell.

If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.

It takes him two hours to watch “60 Minutes.”

March 20, 2007

Whether with your spouse, partner, children, employee, or career, would you like to build a more conscious relationship? Check out http://www.stateofgracedocument.com.

And if you get a chance to attend one of Maureen and Zell’s workshops, do it! It can be life altering.

March 15, 2007

Is blogging going the way of bellbottom jeans? The BBC reported that “The blogging phenomenon is set to peak in 2007.” Some 200 million bloggers have already stopped writing their Internet posts, according to the report. Still, by the end of the year we’ll have our choice of reading more than 100 million blogs.

March 13, 2007

Energy Tip: If you are lagging in the morning, try taking ten deep breaths, pushing out your stomach as you breathe in. Do this throughout the day when you feel your energy wane. Deep breathing increases your lung capacity and circulation and can also relieve stress.

March 8, 2007

Two wonderful slogans from Alcoholics Anonymous are:

Let go and let God.

I’m in charge of the effort; God is in charge of the result.

March 6, 2007

Those of you who have attended my seminars know I feel that the way we say our names conveys our self-confidence. “When you introduce yourself, state your name as if you were proud of it,” I counsel.

Several months ago, I was conducting a seminar for the Georgia Leadership Institute at Lake Lanier Islands and one of the participants told me this story:

“I grew up with a father who was both abusive and an alcoholic. As awful as he was at times, he gave me a gift that I have carried through my life. Whenever I would leave the house – to take a test, play in a competitive sport, or act in a play – he would say to me, ‘Erica, remember your name.’ When I remember this, I stand a little taller and walk a little slower.”

March 1, 2007

I found this quote on the wall of an exhibit in the National Portrait Gallery:

“Dreams are like stars - you choose them as your guides, and following them you will reach your destiny.”

Carl Schurz, Faneuil Hall, Boston, 1859

February 27, 2007

I visited the Holocaust museum last December. The second visit was as powerful as the first.

I was particularly interested in how the Nazis became so powerful. Propaganda played a major role in their success. By keeping their message simple, emotional, repetitive, and uncompromising the Nazis converted the masses.

February 22, 2007

I went right to the sale rack; I always do. It was the middle of winter and the bathing suits were on sale. I grabbed a couple and headed for the dressing room.

The first was a short suit. I tried it on and looked in the mirror. I was horrified at the reflected image. My belly was too big, and was that gray chest hair?

In a recent Associated Press article, Jocelyn Noveck reported that body image worries can affect men as well as women. In a study published in the spring of 2005, Deborah Schooler, an academic researcher, and a colleague studied 184 male students at San Francisco State University; they learned that the more media the men “consumed” the worse they felt about their bodies.

And that’s news?

February 20, 2007

A friend of mine, Penny, recently went on a yoga and meditation retreat outside of Washington, D.C. Penny found one exercise particularly powerful.

Participants were asked to pair with someone they did not know before the retreat. Sitting across from each other and looking at the other in the eyes, one person would ask, “What do you love?” The questioner would acknowledge the response with a simple nod and ask again, “What do you love?”

“The first four or five answers were easy,” Penny said. “Then I had to dig a little deeper. Some of my answers surprised me; I began to realize how much I take for granted in my life.”

The partners took turns asking and answering the question. At the end of the exercise, the participants reported strong feelings of connection with their partners. “Despite a thirty- year age difference, my partner and I bonded,” Penny said. “I really wanted to get to know her better.”

I bet the same exercise would work using other questions such as “What are your dreams?” or “What makes you sad?”

February 15, 2007

A friend of mine is going through a divorce, and he’s recently begun a new relationship. “It’s moving slow, and that’s great by me,” he shared. “The fun is in unwrapping the present. Once it’s open, the surprise is over and you just have trash on the floor.”

February 13, 2007

If you are a manager and don’t know about servant-leadership, you should. Servant-leadership is a practical philosophy that supports people who choose to serve first, and then lead as a way of expanding service to individuals and the institutions they serve. Servant-leaders may or may not hold formal leadership positions. Servant-leadership encourages collaboration, trust, foresight, listening, and the ethical use of power and empowerment.

Robert Greenleaf, the man who coined the phrase, described servant-leadership in this way:

“The servant-leader is servant first. . . The difference manifests itself in the care taken by the servant--first to make sure that other people’s highest priority needs are being served. The best test, and difficult to administer, is: do those served grow as persons; do they, while being served, become healthier, wiser, freer, more autonomous, more likely themselves to become servants? And, what is the effect on the least privileged in society; will they benefit, or at least, will they not be further deprived?”

Taken from Servant As Leader, published by Robert Greenleaf in 1970.

February 8, 2007

I am working with a young man who was such a good worker that his company promoted him to management. He wants to become a stronger leader. This week, I share with him a quote from John Maxwell, author of The 360 Degree Leader.

“Getting the job done makes you a success. Getting the job done through others makes you a leader. But developing people while helping them get the job done at the highest level makes you an exceptional leader.”

February 6, 2007

Alcoholics Anonymous has some wonderful sayings. One of my favorites is:

Think before you speak.

T = Thoughtful

H = Honest

I = Intelligent

N = Necessary

K = Kind

February 1, 2007

I have a friend who is a self-described “blurter.” “I’m like a gumball machine -- whatever pops in my head comes out of my mouth,” she says.

I have several clients who share a similar affliction, and to be honest I have been known to blurt too at times. I am working to stop, pause, and think before I speak out.

When I am acting as if everything is a 9-1-1, I am more likely to speak without thinking. When I feel the adrenaline pumping, I try to remember to take the pause that refreshes. I stop, take a good cleansing breath, feel my feet on the floor, and hear the sounds around me. This pause helps me become present and grounded, and I am less likely to blurt out.

January 30, 2007

Extraordinary moments pop up at ordinary times when we pay attention. My friend David was standing in line at the supermarket when an impatient woman broke in line and demanded the cashier check her out. “I only have one item,” she barked. The young cashier politely explained she was serving another customer. Exasperated, the woman broke into another line.

David looked at the cashier, rolled his eyes, and said, “She must have been in some hurry.” The cashier opened her mouth to reply, then paused and thought better of it. She took a deep breath and said, “I do it, too.”

I do it, too, thought David. What a wonderful response. Instead of judging the impatient woman, the cashier found empathy.

“All through the day, whenever I got put out with someone, I thought, ‘I do it, too,’” David told me. “Whether I was in line, in traffic, or dealing with a rude coworker, I remembered, ‘I do it, too.’ What a gift that cashier gave me,” David said. “And I would have missed it, if I wasn’t paying attention.”

January 25, 2007

Here’s another quote from American Beauty that I love. This one Ricky delivers.

“It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing. And there's this electricity in the air; you can almost hear it, right? And this bag was just. . . dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. That's the day I realized that there was this entire life behind things, and this incredibly benevolent force that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid. Ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember. . ..I need to remember. Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it. . ..and my heart is going to cave in.”

January 23, 2007

Nationally-known teambuilding guru Tom Heck is a friend of mine from Asheville, NC. Check out his website for free resources for lead-it-yourself teambuilding. His site is filled with video clips, detailed descriptions of teambuilding exercises, team theory, audio interviews with other teambuilding and leadership experts, assessments for teams, and more. www.teachmeteamwork.com

Last week, Tom interviewed me on "communicating with style." Check it out, audio interview

January 18, 2007

It was so beautiful that if it was a painting it would have been on velvet. My friend David and I were watching the sun set over Washington, D.C., from a stone-clad tower at the National Cathedral. The bright tangerine rays backlit the clouds in such a way that the entire scene looked surreal, much like a painting on velvet. In silence we watched as the bright orange ball descended into the horizon, cloaking Washington in darkness.

When I am around such beauty it almost seems more than I can handle. I find myself wanting to fast forward through the experience. Weeks later, I mentioned this to another friend, who quoted a line from the award-winning film American Beauty. Kevin Spacey’s character, Lester Burnham, delivers it:

"But it's hard to stay mad when there is so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once and it’s too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that is about to burst and then I remember to relax and stop trying to hold on to it and then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I am talking about. I am sure. But don’t you worry, you will some day."

January 16, 2007

I received this e-mail from Aaron Berger earlier this month; it made my day. Aaron is a consultant with one of the country’s leading fund-raising firms, Alexander, Haas, Martin, and Partners, www.ahmp.com. He attended my seminar PowerHouse Presenting in 2006.

“Last weekend I led a board retreat with a really tough group. The museum is not that old so the founders are still very active and engaged in the organization. We covered a lot of difficult ground that day. There was emotional talk from invested people and fear-based talk from those who simply don’t like change. Through it all, I heard your voice in my head about my posture, eye contact, and a slow, steady voice... Honestly, it made such a difference with them. I was more confident in refereeing this crowd, and in the end, they said it was the best board retreat they had done.

I credit you, Randy. Thanks for teaching me new techniques and approaches to connecting with my audience. Even when really difficult topics are discussed, my group responded and I was able to maintain control.”

January 11, 2007

Nazi death camp survivor Victor Frankl said that we detect rather than invent our mission in life.

January 9, 2007

This summer, I heard Matt Weinstein speak at the American Society of Association Executives (ASAE) and The Center for Association Leadership's annual meeting in Boston. Weinstein believes work should be fun, and I agree.

He writes, "The phrase 'reward and recognition' is usually associated in the workplace with the idea of financial gain or bonus. But if you add some fun and play to a financial reward, you can make the experience a long-lasting one for your employees."

Weinstein offers a free standing ovation applause e-mail that you can send to a peer or employee to recognize a job well done.

January 7, 2007

Welcome to my blog! Each week, you'll find ramblings, rantings, raves, tips, and valuable information that you can use in your career and life.

It's that time of year again: time for New Year's resolutions. I read recently that only three percent of the population put their goals in writing, yet most psychologists and coaches report that outcomes are typically achieved twenty percent faster with written goals.

My friend Elizabeth Bridgers (www.carbensolutions.com) shared her 2007 goals in a recent article she wrote for Sophie magazine.

Eat chocolate at least once a week. (Okay, you're right. That's no change — I eat chocolate weekly. Oh alright. Daily.) The hitch is: this year, I won't be guilty about indulging in something I truly, completely, and undeniably love.

Pamper myself once a month. It may be a pedicure, an integrative massage, or a trip to Hot Springs. It may be a day of simple relaxation at home (see Sophie Dec. '06 for tips on this). Whatever it is, I'll be rejuvenated when it's over; this makes me a better mother and a better professional. Investing in me will become "the thing to do" in 2007.